I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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