The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize