You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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