my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Never joke about your clitoris.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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