It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
