This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
