Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
