We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
