if only i could text you this smell
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
