i barfeds in our rink
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
