Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
