it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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