It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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