found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
