too bad you live with your parents still
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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