those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
