There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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