when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
