sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
