What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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