i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
