Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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