Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
