i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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