so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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