also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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