we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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