So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
