Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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