Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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