so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
