There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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