U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
