remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
