would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
