I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
