apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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