mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
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and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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