i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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