Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
