I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
