I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
