I'm gonna have a badass scar
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize