I didn't shave. On purpose
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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