If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
