You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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