A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
