Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
