Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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