I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
