Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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