We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
