the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
