Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
