My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
