Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
