Cold hands, warm shart.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
