I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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