you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
