They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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