it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
